Improve Your Self-Esteem
and Self-Confidence
Before you change anything in your life, have a look at yourself. If you don’t like who you are, you probably won't be happy with the rest of your life, no matter how good it might be. In other words, the pursuit of happiness begins with your self-esteem.
The Definition of Self-esteem
Self-esteem is a combination of two traits: self-efficacy and self-respect.(1)
- Self-efficacy is the confidence that you can face life's challenges, and that you have something worthwhile to offer.
- Self-respect is the confidence that you deserve to feel happy, and that other people don't have to fail in order for you to be happy.
Self-efficacy is intellectual confidence, and self-respect is emotional confidence. Professionally successful people have self-efficacy but sometimes lack self-respect.
The Self-esteem Test: 4 Questions
The most common cause of poor self-esteem is destructive criticism. You know what destructive criticism sounds like. "Don't be silly." "You’ll never amount to anything." "You think you’re funny, don’t you?" "I hate it when you do that." "Don’t be stupid."
The impact of destructive criticism is so profound and its consequences are so predictable that if you’ve been exposed to destructive criticism, you will almost certainly have some of the following symptoms.
1. Do you feel ashamed of who you are or what you feel inside? If you've been exposed to destructive criticism, you feel uncomfortable in your own skin. You feel that if people knew the real you, nobody would like you. You think that other people are happier than you or that they have something you’re missing. You feel "less than" because that's the message you receive from destructive criticism.
2. Do you always feel in a rush? The most common criticism children hear is “hurry up.” Children don’t live on the same timetable as adults. They’re happy to live in the moment. So they’re always being told to hurry up. You’ve probably been told to hurry up so many times that there’s a voice inside you always telling you to hurry up. When someone tells you to hurry up, the underlying message is this: don't live in the moment, always be in a rush, and most of all don’t take time for yourself. You’re also indirectly being told that your time doesn’t count. The result is that when you grow up, you probably find it hard to take time for yourself. You’re afraid that if you do you’ll be called selfish or lazy.
3. Do you feel as if there’s someone looking over your shoulder, ready to criticize you most of the time? “You could have done better. You’re lazy. Don't be stupid.” Whose voice do you hear saying that? If you've been criticized a lot, you expect to be criticized. The effect of destructive criticism is that you don’t wait to hear what other people are telling you. You go directly to what you think they’re saying and you react defensively. People with poor self-esteem are often seen as arrogant when they’re actually being defensive.
4. Do you have difficulty admitting your mistakes? Do you become aggressive, sarcastic, or withdrawn when you’re corrected? If you've been exposed to excessive destructive criticism, the thought of hearing more criticism is too much to bear. When someone tries to give you helpful advice, all you hear is that voice of destructive criticism that you heard years ago. Some people respond to that fear by being quick to criticize others. You may be the first to notice the slightest mistake in other people. If destructive criticism is all you've known, destructive criticism of others is the easiest pattern to slip into.
Even successful people can suffer from poor self-esteem. In their case, the details are slightly different but the symptoms are the same. Professionally successful people aren’t paralyzed by fear because they’re driven by talent or rebellion. But their self-image remains distorted. Therefore they can't enjoy their success, no matter how much they achieve. Nothing ever feels enough for them. So they continue to work long after someone else would have stopped, hoping to fill that void.
Learn More
In Chapter 13, "Begin By Improving Your Self-Esteem" you'll learn:
- How tension damages your self-esteem
- How to identify the underlying causes that affect your tension
- How to let go of your fears
- Techniques to improve your self-esteem
- Ways you can prevent poor self-esteem in the future
You'll also learn:
- The underlying causes of tension in greater detail
- A simple but effective relaxation technique to let go of tension and change your life
- The key to relaxing your body and mind
- Simple breathing techniques that will help you let go of tension quickly
- How to stay focused and deal with distractions
- How and why relaxation works
- The science and psychology behind relaxation
- How relaxation feels
- Answers to frequently asked questions about relaxation and meditation
- Hints to help you overcome common obstacles
- A one-month relaxation program that will help you integrate relaxation into your life
- How to reduce anxiety and improve your sleep.
The following information is included. Read about Self esteem help and how to build self esteem, Boost self esteem, How to Improve self esteem, Increase self esteem, and Developing self esteem. There is also information on the Definition of self esteem, What is self esteem, High self esteem, the Signs of low self esteem, Positive self esteem, and a Self esteem test or quiz. Free self help advice on how to build self confidence and ways to improve self esteem are included. Find out how to improve self confidence, what Self esteem books and articles are available. Read Confidence and self esteem tips. If you suffer from lack of self confidence then Gain Healthy self esteem and Raise self esteem through the information in this site. Read how Mindbody Relaxation can improve your life from the book, Make Room for Happiness by Dr. Steven M. Melemis.